Saturday, June 26, 2010

Prison Bars

School is going to be hell today.


I used to like school, used to like learning about the english language and chemistry, but I don’t anymore. Now school just seems like another prison for me, somewhere people can bombard me with questions I don’t have the answers too, where kids can act like they don’t care if I live or die.

I bet they don’t care, I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if they didn’t care.

I don’t really care what happens to me at this point, I’m just sick and tired of being trapped in this body where I’m not even comfortable in my own skin, stuck inside this mind where nothing important is going on, its all just mush now that will someday turn into dust, if it isn’t there already.

I’m not stupid, I just don’t feel like giving a damn anymore. My parents ask me why, my so-called friends ask me why, but the truth is I don’t know. One day I just woke up and I didn’t care about my grades anymore. I stopped dressing up in cute little skirts and bouncy tops, I stopped doing my hair so it flowed over my neck and shoulders, down all the way to the lower part of my back, and I stopped wearing the glorious make-up that I had once prided myself over.

Why? Why, they all want to know. Did it ever occur to anyone that I just don’t care what other people think about me?

No. I didn’t think so.

I think I sound like a self-righteous, pious bitch whose just ranting about being a poor, innocent child that just doesn’t want to do the school-work, when that’s not it all. All my life I’ve wondered what I’m going to do with myself when I get out of high school, but now I see I may never get out. Serves me right, mean, criminalized depressionists don’t deserve to be let out of jail.

So, I’ll just sit here in my cramped cell space, loathing the very moment I came into this world and was bore into this world of madness. I’ll just sit here and wait for the poison to be removed from my heart, where it is as cold as the prison bars I’m trapped by.

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