Heaven Can Wait

I went to visit Alyson today, like always do on Tuesdays.

Her mother answered the door, just like she always does when I knock on the door.

“It’s so nice to see you Violet, I bet Alyson will be delighted to see you”, her mother smiled at me, the same smile she ways gave me.

It annoys me, that smile the whole family seems to have painted on their faces, even Alyson. No one can be happy to have their child dying, no one can be happy that they’re dying of cancer, but still I see those smiles on their faces every time I visit, and I kind of envy them for being able to at least fake it.

I don’t even have to ask if Alyson is upstairs because she hasn’t left her bed in two months, so I trudge up the stairs to go visit my best friend.

“Alyson?” I whisper into the peeking shadow of her bedroom. I don’t know if she’s sleeping so I always whisper first just in case she is.

“I’m awake, Violet”, Alyson croaks.

I catch my breath, letting myself into the room and shutting the door quietly behind me.

“How was school?” Alyson laughs.

I give her a wince, “How do you think?”

Alyson laughs, “That great, huh?”

I chuckle, sitting down in my favorite chair, the one with the comfy seat and squishy arms that has rubber ducks on the back of it.

“How have you been?” Alyson asks me.

Even though I know she’s referring too my depression and my suicidal tendencies I don’t want to answer her truthfully, she thinks too much of me to even think that I could kill myself.

I shrug, “fine”.

Alyson shakes her head, “That wasn’t very convinving, Vi”.

I growl, “What do you expect, school isn’t exactly heaven”.

Alyson’s face drops to a glassy eyed stare, “Violet, do you think there is such a thing as heaven?”

I opened my mouth to respond but I can’t. I can’t tell her that I don’t know what I believe anymore, I can’t tell her that I think all that happens when you die is you stop breathing and then you’re stuck in nothingness, I can’t let her down like that.

“Of course there is Alyson, that’s a stupid question”, I cross my arms over my chest and pretend to be looking out the window.

“I’m going there soon”, Alyson is tracing her pale fingers across her quilted blanket.

I whipped my head around to look at her with a tight expression, “No you’re not”.

Alyson sighs heavily, “You can’t deny it forever Violet, and besides I’m tired of waiting”.

I jump out of the chair, ready to knock things around the room.

“Heaven can wait, Aly!”

Alyson turns over in the bed, yawning, “No, it can’t”.

I sit in her room for what seems like hours, just staring at the sky, watching heavens clouds fade and the moon begin to shine.

I close my eyes, “Please wait for her”.